A Modest Proposal to Save the Republican Party

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Let’s face it, the Republican Party is in trouble. Democrats are already savoring the 2010 mid-term election. Senator Robert Menendez, Chair of the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee is talking about the possibility of picking up seats in nine states.

…Menendez noted five currently-held GOP seats are set to be vacated in 2010, most of them in traditional swing states: Florida, Ohio, Missouri, New Hampshire, Kansas. Meanwhile, no current Democratic senators have plans to retire, though the president’s Cabinet appointments have technically left Colorado, New York, Illinois, and Delaware without an incumbent Democrat.

Of those five states with outgoing GOP senators, Menendez said the fact that President Obama carried three of them handily and essentially tied Sen. John McCain in Missouri bodes well for Democrats in 2010. He also expressed optimism about Kansas Gov. Kathleen Sebelius’ chances in that traditional red state should she decide to run there: “If Kathleen Sebelius runs, she will win,” Menendez said.

The DSCC chief added a combination of local and national factors make four other Republican-held seats vulnerable — Louisiana,- North Carolina, Kentucky and Pennsylvania.

Incumbent Republican senators are particularly vulnerable, Menendez said, because of their “Bush like” approach the nation’s sputtering economy and overwhelming opposition to the White House-backed stimulus bill.

“They just don’t get it,” Menendez said of his Republican colleagues, “How many more people need to lose their jobs?”

Of course, the Republicans don’t get it. Their current strategy of obstructing everything Democrats propose  simply makes them appear childish and irrelevant. [UPDATE: The House just passed the stimulus bill without a single Republican vote.]

So, I propose a plan to bring about a Republican resurgence. Admittedly, this is a long range plan, one that will take a couple of decades to reach fruition.  The answer can be found here. That is right- resurrect Neanderthals from their reconstructed DNA!

It goes without saying that Neanderthals would swell the Republican base. It might be necessary to shield them from liberal educators, but I am sure enough charter schools with the correct “No Neanderthal Left Behind” curricula could be created by sucking off funds to public schools.

The cost would not be prohibitive. According to John Tierney, a Neanderthal could be brought to life with present technology for about $30 million. The $60 million necessary for a breeding pair could be easily inserted into the next stimulus bill without anyone being the wiser.

I am guessing that Idaho and the other [2] Red States would be ideal breeding grounds for the Neanderthals. In the beginning, they would need protected species status and they would be more likely to blend in among Idaho Republicans.

I know what some of you are thinking. What about the ethics involved?  Tierney addresses this:

…I’m afraid I can’t see the problem. If we discovered a small band of Neanderthals hidden somewhere, we’d do everything to keep them alive, just as we try to keep alive so many other endangered populations of humans and animals — including man-biting mosquitoes and man-eating polar bears. We’ve also spent lots of money reintroducing animals into ecosystems from which they had vanished. Shouldn’t be at least as solicitous to our fellow hominids?

But, to be honest, I don’t see this as being a problem. After all, if there is one thing we know for sure, Republicans will set ethics aside if they can see political gain.

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5 comments

  1. The best thing Republicans have going for them is Obama. About 2-3 more screw-ups in the cabinet process, and about 1 more tax dodge by Rangel, and the Republicans will pick up every Senate seat open in 2010

  2. Obama is helping Republicans. About 2-3 more screw-ups in the cabinet process, and about 1 more tax dodge by Rangel, and the Republicans will pick up every Senate seat open in 2010

  3. IIabesab said:The best thing Republicans have going for them is Obama. About 2-3 more screw-ups in the cabinet process, and about 1 more tax dodge by Rangel, and the Republicans will pick up every Senate seat open in 2010.

    Then he repeated it again. It appears that there are already Neanderthal among us!

  4. i might not have assumed this had been awesome one or two years back but it is surprising how age alters the manner by which you understand diverse creative concepts, many thanks for the write-up it is actually pleasant to look over some thing intelligent occasionally instead of the popular nonsense mascarading as blogs on the internet, cheers

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