Friday Comedy Relief

cleese

All and all, this has been a pretty depressing week. Continuing stupidity from the State Legislature- see here, here, here, and here. Continuing bad news like this. Never ending evidence that big banks are corrupt- that Catholic clergy are corrupt- and that wingnut Republicans are both corrupt and jaw-dropping stupid.

So, given that it is Friday and the great world keeps spinning no matter what we do or say, we might as well have a laugh.

I received the following in an email from a friend. A quick Google search shows that it has been popping up all over the internet so, if you have not yet seen it, I can claim you saw it here first. It is attributed to John Cleese, that former Monty Pithon and self described “British writer, actor and tall person”

Because I don’t like to post anything if I can’t verify the source, I tried to determine if John Cleese was, in fact, the author and it appears that he was not according to the John Cleese Forum and Snopes.com.

So, by John Cleese or not, jam packed with every possible stereotype, it is still pretty funny and a good way to end the week.

ALERTS TO THREATS IN EUROPE

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to “A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ‘s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be alright, Mate.” Two more escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

A final thought -“ Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.”

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